Saturday, March 31, 2012

Flash Fiction Friday - 3/30/12

Shh, it's still Friday for many people. Why should I be penalized just because I live on the east coast?

Anyway, I had a critique session with K.S. Lewis tonight that last until after midnight, so I didn't get to put this up earlier. I'm feeling kind of punchy this week, so I decided to use a snippet from a previous finished work, Peter James, aka The-Novel-We-Speak-Not-Of. I've been toying with the idea of rewriting it lately. That project is pretty far down my list of priorities, but you never know (that, and I didn't want to put up anything that I might actually try to get published).

Peter James is about five kids (and their babysitter) who discover a tunnel to a secret land in their basement. Kind of like Narnia meets Peter Pan. This conversation happens just after they get back the first time.

“We need to talk about rules,” he declared.

“There are rules?” Nicky whined.

“Of course,” Peter replied. “All the best games have rules.”

That was true enough, so nobody bothered to argue with him. “What are the rules?” Ed asked.

Peter looked like he was thinking really hard for a minute. “Rule number one: no one but the six of us can know about Eversea.”

“What about Mommy and Daddy?” Charlie asked.

Pete bit his lip before he answered. “We can tell Mom and Dad. But they can't come in. It's for kids only.”

“Yay!” Nicky cheered, clapping.

“Sadie's not a kid,” Edwin argued.

“Sadie doesn't count.”

“Thanks, Pete,” Sadie said, setting the oven timer for 25 minutes and walking back to the table.

“You know what I mean,” he huffed.

“Why no adults?” Ed asked.

Peter looked like he wanted to hit him, but he didn't. “Because,” he said like he was speaking to a two-year-old, “it's our place. Only we're allowed there. It's where you go when you're really sad or really happy or really angry, and there's no one there who'll tell you to clean your room or eat your broccoli. In fact, there's no broccoli there at all. It's just kid stuff, all the time.”

12 comments:

  1. I enjoyed reading your flash fiction. It was exciting and I did get a Narnia feel. I just looked at your March progress on your sidebar. Way to go , Tobi. You are rocking! And I promise not to tell anyone that it is really Saturday if you won't tell anyone that I've been up all night trying to catch up on reading blogs from the time I was away in March. I have to catch up-don't want to start the A to Z challenge in the blogging reciprocity hole.

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    1. :-) I'm glad you got the Narnia feel from it; that's what I was shooting for. Thanks!

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  2. Ooh, I'm liking this piece and the concept you've got here. And I'm with Melissa... Way to go on the progress!!!

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  3. I love this. The explanation for the no grown-ups rule is great.

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    1. :) Thank you! I think a lot of kids have a few places like this, where grown ups weren't allowed.

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  4. Just as cute as I remember. I love the, 'Sadie doesn't count,' bit. ^_^

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    1. Yes, but you thought the book as a whole wasn't bad, thereby rendering your opinion moot. ;)

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  5. Great piece.

    Also - I'm an hour earlier than PACIFIC time, and use EST as my "posting standard" lol.

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  6. Sounds like kids would love this! Great stuff. Did you know there is an author called Peter James, so you might want to change the title - not a big deal hopefully.

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    1. I did not know that. But Peter James is just a working title, so if anything were ever to come of it, I'd probably wind up changing it.

      Thanks!

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