Monday, February 20, 2012

First Campaigner Challenge - Shadows on the Wall

I'm participating in Rachael Harrie's First Campaigner Challenge. Basically the challenge is to write a 200-word flash fiction that begins with "Shadows crept across the wall." The contest is open until Feb. 24, so head over to her blog to check it out.

Here's my submission:

Shadows crept along the wall. The setting sun turned them into grotesque misrepresentations of the man and woman at the table, warped in the dying orange light.

“There’s nothing you can do,” she said, her voice low, sharp, the silence cracking around it.

“So you said.” He wasn’t trying to be sarcastic.

She bristled anyway. “It’s too late now. You can’t change me.”

“You didn’t even give me the chance to try.” That wasn’t what he’d meant to say.

“What would you do?” she snapped, shoving the chair back. She began to pace. He watched with feigned disinterest.

“I have my own magic,” he began.

Her snort cut him off. “White magic. What could you possibly do against this?”

He muscles went tight at her derision. Suddenly he was in front of her. He didn’t remember moving.

He kissed her, hard and hungry, and she clung to him, drowning in it. “Let me try,” he said hoarsely when they were again apart.

For a second, her eyes were wet with trust. Then she took a breath, rebuilt her defenses, and said, “There’s nothing you can do. I’m sorry.”

She left the room, and his shadow danced on the wall alone.

31 comments:

  1. Wow, that was really good. You definitely have my vote. I love the tension in this scene! The only thing I didn't like about it was that you didn't write more of the story! You have me hooked! Great job! I'm following along :)

    I'm entry #19

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    1. :) Thank you! Your story was awesome too!

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  2. Good dialogue and setting, and a little white magic at that. Nice one! :)

    I gave you a Shout-Out on my blog today, just so you know. :)

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    1. Thank you!! I really liked your story as well!

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  3. Oooh I want to read more! Love the tension between the two.

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  4. stubborn woman! intense scene. good job!

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  5. I loved their interaction! Great job! :)

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  6. The dialogue is wonderful. There's a mysterious tone throughout the whole piece.

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  7. Man! I was filled with hope for a moment! I thought she would cave. But I'm wondering if it's best that she doesn't! Great job. I really felt his desperation!

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  8. I liked how it didn't have the expected "happy ending," at least not yet. It seems more real that way.

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  9. Really good dialogue.. and I liked the building tension in him. Nice. +1 follower.

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  10. That was really good! Nice dialogue too! Great job!

    I'm #37

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  11. It did seem that, for a moment, she might succumb but she remained strong. Nice job!

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  12. Excellent tension and good pacing - nice job!

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  13. I love that you had a pinch of magic in your story. Nice job!

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  14. I'm intrigued to know what he couldn't change and what the magic was.
    #83

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  15. Great post! I bet she comes back to him in the end. I would hope so anyway!

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  16. I would actually like to know more about your characters. Great dialog though!

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  17. Poor guy, I really feel for him. She's just too stubborn, isn't she?

    #109

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  18. Really kept me guessing as to the backstory with these two. The short, sharp dialogue made for great pacing. I wonder what she is? Nice job!

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  19. I feel back for both of them. Wonder what is going on...

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  20. This is awesome! Wonderful use of words. So powerful and I love the last line!

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  21. Congratulations! Your story has been shortlisted and you're moving on to stage 2!! Good luck!

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  22. Can I take her place? Please?? Wildly romantic. Very nice. I'm a new follower and entry #96.

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  23. You know, we actually pay for Flash Fiction at White Cat Magazine. Nicely done.

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  24. I loved the dialogue and how they interacted. Very powerful for only 200 words.

    #123

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  25. Nice work, does she survive what is ahead of her?

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  26. Nice tension between them. I like it when there is a little more complexity:)

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